As you stroll through the grocery store with your child, his eyes suddenly land on a cool candy display. Despite having just eaten, your son insists on getting one. As he raises his voice to grab your attention, you can feel the judgment from other shoppers. Your stress levels rise, but taking a deep breath, you remind yourself that your son is not a bad kid; it’s his behavior that you dislike. Sound familiar?
Many children, especially those who have experienced trauma, often feel life is chaotic and unpredictable. Their experiences may have conditioned them to expect uncertainty, a lack of comfort, and that meals might come irregularly. This can lead to behaviors that might seem negative but are often desperate attempts to meet their needs.
4 Ways to Identify the Need
Acknowledging that every behavior has an underlying need is crucial for parents or caregivers. Identify and address these needs with compassion. Remember, an outburst doesn’t mean a child is difficult, it means he is facing difficult circumstances.
Use the Trauma Lens
Understanding the far-reaching consequences of intense trauma on a child’s cognitive abilities, physical health, and emotional state is crucial. Approach your child with compassion and patience while trying to determine what his behavior really means.
Give Them a Voice
When children display challenging behaviors, it’s easy to jump to conclusions. To understand their message, instead, slow down and listen carefully. There may be a deeper need behind their words. Ensure they feel heard and free to express themselves without time limits or frustration.
Tune in to Your Child
We often recognize, as adults, that our reactions come from larger issues, like tiredness or stress. Get to know your children well enough to identify what triggers their tantrums and what calms them down. Observing them closely will help you anticipate their needs.
Look for the Real Child
Children from difficult backgrounds often hide their genuine emotions or personalities because of their experiences. They may feel anxious in situations that normally wouldn’t cause such reactions. Getting to know the real child requires time, patience, perseverance, consistency, and love. Discover the core of highest potential within your child. Your goal is to help them feel safe, connected, and capable of reaching that full potential.
By digging deep, being understanding, asking questions, and looking beyond difficult behaviors, one can find the underlying need. This approach builds trust and fosters healing.
Key Takeaway
Just as God offers grace and understands our needs, we must extend love and understanding to our children. Help them understand that they are more than their histories and love them beyond their behaviors.
“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Application
Looking for ways to better understand and meet your child’s needs?
Stuffed! prepares you to take action when your child exhibits difficult behaviors like tantrums. By helping them navigate their behavior during private moments like mealtime, you will better connect and offer the Hope of God’s word.
Access Stuffed! now and make it a part of your Everyday Moments™ activity rotation.
