As parents, it’s easy to feel like we don’t have much influence over our children. And as Christian parents, it can feel especially difficult to raise our children in a way that glorifies God.  

However, a study from OneHope states that 83% of Gen Alpha turn to their family members for answers to moral questions about right and wrong. 

To build a level of trust with your children, there are seven traits the most effective parents have in common. 

The 7 Traits  

Enriched by years of application in family counseling settings and great research surrounding the authoritative style of parenting, Dr. Daniel P. Huerta, Vice President of Family and Youth at Focus On The Family, a strategic partner of HopeConnect™, shares seven key traits parents can develop to become more effective caretakers, mentors and leaders for their children.  

In his book, Seven Traits of Effective Parenting, Dr. Huerta outlines these qualities as: 

• Adaptability 

• Respect 

• Intentionality 

• Steadfast love 

• Boundaries 

• Grace and forgiveness 

• Gratitude  

 Like the fruit of the Spirit, it can feel overwhelming — or even impossible — to cultivate all these traits at one time. However, with prayerful consideration and intentionality, you can choose one or two to develop in any given season. With God’s grace and a little practice, you’ll be able to see growth in all seven areas over time in your parenting.   

Here is a brief summary of each trait. While you’re reading, ask the Holy Spirit to highlight one you should focus on incorporating more into your parenting. 

Adaptability 

Dr. Huerta states that, if we want to be adaptable, “…we must be able to assess and accept others as they are. Not as we assume they are or as we would like them to be, but as they really are.” As parents, this can be challenging — especially if your children demonstrate qualities that you don’t particularly want to encourage. However, like road work, it’s important that we learn how to navigate around different aspects of our family’s individual traits, with compassion and understanding, so we don’t strain the relationship. 

Respect 

Parents are their children’s first teachers. As a result, if we want our children to demonstrate respect to others, we must first model it to them. Dr. Huerta highlights how children retain and repeat whatever it is they observe. If we want our children to be respectful in their interactions with others, we must first show them how respectful encounters look, feel and sound. This includes how we treat and interact with our children, even during challenging times.  

Intentionality 

Whether you’re raising young children or teenagers, being intentional with your time is important. In its simplest terms, Dr. Huerta describes intentionality as “simply a matter of knowing what you want to do to make each day count in your child’s life.” Prayerfully consider what is most important to you in your relationship with your family and prioritize that daily. A couple suggestions include engaging with God’s Word and prayer. Starting with a verse for the day that you and your child can think of and include in your prayers to Christ. Finding ways to intentionally connect daily with your child will have a lasting positive impact on your child and serve as a foundation for all other aspects of the relationship. Our Everyday MomentsTM easily help you do this throughout the course of your day. 

Steadfast Love 

The steadfast love of a parent is unlike any other love on earth. It’s a self-sacrificing, unchanging love that flows from parent to child — and it’s only possible because God first loved us. With steadfast love, parents are consistent caretakers for their children who appreciate and value the unique way God designed them.  

Boundaries 

Love without boundaries is chaos. While raising children, parents are responsible for determining their child’s boundaries (“lines they should not cross”) and expectations (“the results we desire in a given situation”). This is often one of the most difficult traits for parents to develop, but having healthy boundaries is critical for keeping our children safe.  

Grace and Forgiveness 

It’s often stated that, the more we love someone, the likelier we are to hurt them. It’s true in all relationships, but it’s especially true in families. When you’re constantly surrounded by people each day, there’s a good chance you’ll get on each other’s nerves and say or do something unkind. We do it to our children, and they do it to us. In these moments, it’s especially important to demonstrate God’s grace and forgiveness so we can heal from hurts and move forward together.  

Gratitude  

When we look at our to-do lists and all the things we see going wrong in our lives, it’s easy to forget all the blessings we have and reasons to be thankful. Practicing constant gratitude for our lives and our children’s lives is an essential trait for parents. Likewise, it’s important to thank God for the gift of being able to parent children. He could have chosen anyone in the world, but He chose you. That in itself is worth celebrating.  

KEY TAKEAWAY 

If we want our children to have closer relationships with God, we must first reflect on how we’re showing up in our own households — and commit to developing the traits we need to be effective parents. To teach our children about the Lord’s never-ending love for them, we need to commit ourselves to growing in our knowledge of God and gaining His wisdom.  

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” ~Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

APPLICATION 

Transform ordinary car rides into an opportunity for deeper connection with Name the Most, a game that inspires conversations about how God can help us take our thoughts captive and order our minds.   

Find it now in the Everyday MomentsTM activities collection!