Knowing how to connect with emotions is an important skill for children to have. When times of uncertainty and crisis hit, our gut reaction is often to try to shield children from the reality of what is happening. We try to avoid the subject, we try to move on to “normal” life as quickly as possible, and we try to avoid the expression of emotion in relation to the crisis.
While the intention is honorable, the delivery often leads to more confusion and less resolve for kids.
It’s important for kids to know how to connect with emotions. Read on to learn why it’s important for children to know how to connect with their feelings and how you can help support them.
Why Honesty is Important
Children are sponges — they listen to what’s going on around them and they watch our reactions to things. Children who come from hard places and difficult circumstances are especially attuned to changes. Their brains are wired for survival. They will quickly notice changes in their environment, such as a change in our moods.
While they may not understand exactly what is going on, they know something is not right — even if we, as adults, do our best to hide it.
In the absence of information, the human brain uses imagination to create stories. For children and adults alike, oftentimes the stories that are created to explain what is happening are even worse than the reality. This, in turn, can lead to increased anxiety and stress that is left unspoken.
By shielding children in a way that includes ignoring the problem, we inadvertently communicate that we are not a safe place for them to talk to about what is happening. We may also unintentionally communicate that hard things and feelings should be ignored and not processed.
Be Honest and Proactive with Your Child
Instead of teaching our children to avoid their feelings we can teach them how to connect with their emotions instead. We can be honest about what’s happening in a way that is developmentally appropriate for each child. We want our kids to learn the information from us, rather than from the news that is playing in the background, from friends, or from overhearing conversations.
We need to communicate the problem, but also discuss the plan that we, as the adults, have in place to keep everyone safe. For example, we can show them there are enough supplies and food to be able to keep their needs met.
We can also connect emotionally with our children and let them know their feelings are okay. Part of how we do that is by naming the feelings. For example, we can say, “Not knowing exactly when we can go back to school and work can feel scary. Not seeing friends and family feels sad. In the meantime, here’s what we can do to get through this together.”
Take time to hear the stories they’ve made up in their heads based on the information they’ve heard. What do they think is going on right now? Do they think the event/problem is a monster that can enter your home and hurt them? Do they know that they can do things to help protect themselves and others? Allow them space to express their feelings. Having this information can help your children with connecting with their feelings more effectively.
Acknowledge the Fear and Stay Connected
For some children, stressful situations can be a trigger. When some children are triggered, they may demonstrate negative behaviors. During this time, it is important to remain connected to one another.
Many children’s brains go into survival mode when they are triggered by a lot of change. The more we are able to be calm and present with them, the more we can help them understand, at a developmentally appropriate level, why life feels so different.
Most importantly, by acknowledging the fear behind the behavior, we can help our kids know they are not alone and the adults are going to do everything possible to keep them safe. Connection is key always — and especially now. You do not have to have all the answers, you simply need to listen and acknowledge their feelings.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Traumatic situations and big life changes can be triggering for children and adults. As caregivers and parents, it’s important that we are emotionally honest with our children so we can teach them how to connect with their emotions in a way that is healthy and healing.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” ~Philippians 4:6 (NIV)
APPLICATION
Meals present a great opportunity to turn lighthearted conversations into bigger discussions about more serious topics, like our worries and fears in life. Turn dinnertime into a meaningful conversation about Jesus’ ability to turn life’s biggest messes into beautiful testimonies with Meal Mix-Up, a simple game that involves a few ingredients and a lot of laughter.
Find this game and more now in the Everyday MomentsTM activities collection!
