In your parenting journey, there may be some days you’ve felt exhausted but unable to sleep, anxious for no clear reason, or overwhelmed by your child’s emotional world. If these things regularly affect you, you may be experiencing secondary traumatic stress, a common struggle for parents raising children with trauma histories.
Secondary stress is a bit different from burnout. Burnout is caused by chronic stress and overwhelm, whereas secondary trauma comes specifically from exposure to trauma.
When you commit to walking alongside your child as they navigate a season of healing, it does not come without the risk of you carrying the effects of their trauma too. This does not mean you are failing to care well for your child, but rather that the burdens you watch them hold, may have become your own. So, how do you care for a hurting child without sacrificing your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being?
Welcome to our new 7-part series entitled Caring For Your Soul. Throughout the next two months, we will be publishing additional articles to help parents and caregivers understand how to care for themselves while walking alongside a child who has experienced trauma.
Secondary traumatic stress and its impact on you
The emotional, physical, and spiritual impact of caring for someone who has experienced trauma can produce secondary traumatic stress. As a parent or caregiver, this occurs when you begin to absorb the emotional shock of your child’s trauma.
When your child has walked through trauma, you naturally want to protect, comfort, and carry them. So, it is a natural, human response to caring deeply for someone who has been hurt.
It often impacts parents and caregivers -- especially if your child has been exposed to traumatic experiences of abuse, abandonment, neglect or complex family situations like divorce, separation, or dysfunction.
An example of secondary stress is when your child becomes fearful at night, and you find yourself experiencing the same fear or anxiety leading up to or at nighttime, even on nights when the child is safe asleep. Your nervous system starts mirroring your child’s distress. Some of the signs of secondary stress include:
- Difficulty sleeping or chronic exhaustion.
- Having anxiety in situations that remind you of your child’s trauma.
- Feeling overwhelmed by your child’s emotions.
- Feeling like your child’s trauma is becoming your own.
Coping with Secondary Stress
Supporting a child through the effects of trauma can impact your own emotional and physical well-being. If you're experiencing secondary traumatic stress, these three strategies can help you remain grounded and resilient.
- Bringing your burdens to God. Our rest comes from Christ and the truth of His Word. What does scripture tell you to do when we are weary and overwhelmed? Spend time in prayer and meditating in God’s Word. Lay your burdens at the feet of the Father, asking the Holy Spirit to renew your strength and give you wisdom for the road ahead.
- Set healthy boundaries: Healthy boundaries create the structure and stability families need to thrive. Create rhythms, routines, and expectations that support both your child's needs and your own well-being. This may include protecting time for rest, asking for help when needed, limiting commitments that create unnecessary stress, and establishing predictable family routines.
- Seek guidance and support. Share your struggles with a trusted friend, pastor, or Christian therapist and allow people to pray for you. Join a support group of trauma-informed parents. The Bible instructs us to share each other’s burdens.
When the weight feels too heavy, it’s often a sign that God is inviting you into a deeper kind of dependence — not on your own strength or resilience, but on His.
God’s Presence in Your Journey
As you navigate the weight of secondary traumatic stress, remember that God never intended for you to carry these burdens alone. Bring your worries, grief, exhaustion, and questions to Him, trusting His invitation to cast your cares upon Him. Have confidence that if you “Give your burdens to the Lord, he will take care of you” (Psalm 55:22 NLT). Trust that the Father hears you, holds you, and sustains you because He is not one to turn away in the hardship. Instead, He stands with his hands open, ready to release you from carrying the weight of it on your own.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Secondary traumatic stress is the emotional weight that can come from caring for someone who has experienced trauma. By recognizing the signs early and caring for your own emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, you can remain a steady presence for your child while allowing God to provide strength, comfort, and rest.
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- Are you dealing with secondary traumatic stress in your life? Ask the Lord to reveal this to you.
- What would it look like for you to use one of the practical coping strategies next time you notice yourself experiencing secondary stress?
ACTIVITY
Teach your child that God is always with us, through good and bad times by playing a game like Mountains and Valleys. Find this game and more in the Everyday Moments™ activities collection.
KEY VERSE
“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” ~2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT)
PRAYER
Heavenly Father, fill my home with Your peace, my mind with Your truth, and my body with Your rest. Strengthen me with Your joy as I navigate this season in my parenting journey. In Jesus’ name, amen.